


miku, miku, what's it like to be you?

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Artificial Intelligence, Gen, Past Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vocaloids, minsoo's mental state is questionable, no beta we die like jaewon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28516476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: In the end, the show must go on.MAYHEM know this better than most.
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Lee Minsoo, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun, Kang Dongho | D.Min & Kim Daehyun & Lee Minsoo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	miku, miku, what's it like to be you?

" _So_ ," the interviewer asks, crossing her ankles and giving them a saccharine-sweet smile, " _what's it like being the first K-Pop group with a Vocaloid member_?"

The mood in the room plummets in an instant.

Daehyun dips his head, hands balling into fists in his lap, and Minsoo bites his lip, expression scrunched up in pain. And Dongho-

he answers the questions.

" _Did you do your research before this interview_?" he simply asks, and the interviewer stares at him for a moment, visibly bewildered.

" _Wh-_ "

" _If you did_ ," Dongho continues, " _then I'm sure you'd know why that's an insensitive question. So you didn't. Am I right_?"

" _I-_ "

"Hyung," Minsoo cuts in, and Dongho's gaze shifts to him, glad as ever to hear a language he doesn't have to work at. "Just ask to change the question."

"..."

"Please," Daehyun murmurs, and Dongho dips his head in silent agreement.

" _We won't be answering that, as it's something we've discussed multiple times and no longer wish to talk about. What's your next question?_ "

The interviewer stares at them, visibly stunned, and Dongho digs his nails into his thighs, steadfastly avoiding looking at Daehyun. 

" _That's kinda rude, don't you think...?_ "

" _Apologies if I don't want to rehash my groupmate's death_ ," Dongho snaps, and Minsoo reaches out to place a hand on his thigh.

It's both support and a warning.

(most things with minsoo these days are.)

" _Next question?_ " the leader asks in stilted English, and Dongho's gaze drifts to the wall, mind set on ignoring the old grief that claws at his ribs.

* * *

"You're back!"

Minsoo nods, pulling his headphones on and clicking into the audio files Dongho sent him. "I am."

"Ah... I missed you!"

Jaewon's sprite pops up on the screen, a bright smile on his lips, and Minsoo swallows past the lump in his throat as he clicks into the editing program. "How was the interview?"

"It was in English, so I didn't get a lot of it," Minsoo admits, and Jaewon's sprite shifts to one of concern. "Still. How are you feeling, Won-ah?"

"Ah- good! I got more storage space, so I'm feeling extra fast!"

"Great," Minsoo murmurs, tongue poking between his lips as he starts to key in Jaewon's part. "Any systems need tuning up?"

"No, hyung. Everything's running fine."

"Good."

Jaewon hovers in the corner of his screen, and Minsoo frowns as his sprite shifts to a pained one. "Is everything okay?"

"...can I see Dongho-hyung or Daehyun-ah soon? I miss them."

"Sure," Minsoo agrees, picking up his phone and firing off a text to the pair. "Anything else?"

"...why don't they come more?"

Jaewon stares at him, sprite still showing pain, and Minsoo sighs, raking a hand through his hair.

"They don't... they don't agree with me. With this."

"With what?"

"Me talking to you," Minsoo replies, gaze drifting back to his phone. "They said coding you was unhelpful and stupid and dangerous, but you're back and you're _you_ , so who has the last laugh now?"

"...Minsoo-hyung..."

"I hope Dongho-hyung gave you more lines in this song," Minsoo continues, clicking back into the editing app. "If he didn't, I'll have to talk with him about it-"

"Hyung," Jaewon cuts in, and Minsoo blinks at him, a wave of confusion washing over him.

"Hmm?"

"Don't... don't you think you should get more lines than me? Since you're not a computer..."

"That's why you should get more lines," Minsoo dismisses, reaching over to pull a chip out of his bag. "Because you're perfect."

Jaewon's sprite doesn't change.

* * *

It's always hard writing parts for a computer.

Dongho sighs, gaze drifting to the clock by his desk. It's nearly three - so late it's early - and Minsoo hasn't texted.

He's stopped doing that, lately.

No - instead, a message banner from Daehyun fills his screen, and Dongho-

is not entirely sure how to feel about that.

He kicks back from his desk, grabbing a water bottle and downing half of it as he taps open his phone. Daehyun's asking when he'll be home, and Dongho doesn't have the heart to tell him that Minsoo's descended another layer into insanity, so he tells him _four a.m._ and kicks back over to his desk, gaze landing on the lyrics in front of him.

He hates this.

He fucking hates that Minsoo's clinging to Jaewon like this, hates that this is all they're known for, hates that they have to keep rehashing Jaewon's death _again_ and _again_ and _again_ -

His phone buzzes again - a warning text from Daehyun not to stay too late. 

Ah, Daehyun...

He knows Daehyun worries - mostly about Minsoo, but to a lesser extent, him as well - and if it'll put his dongsaeng at ease, he'll make it home early.

Besides, he's not making much progress with what he has. 

( _"he's perfect,"_ minsoo had told him, eyes sparkling with a sort of demented fervor. _"he's perfect, hyung, and he misses you, and can't you give him more lines in our next title track, because his voice fits this perfectly-"_ )

A part of Dongho wonders how many songs about _moving on_ he'll have to write before Minsoo gets the hint.

There's nothing enjoyable about wrangling a ghost to sing. There's nothing enjoyable about dragging Jaewon out even after he's dead. 

No - instead, it's just a dull repetition that's lost all melody and joy.

He shuts down his desktop, reaching out to snag his jacket and pulling it on.

He can't leave Daehyun waiting.

* * *

Daehyun's oddly glad he and Dongho share a room now.

Not- not for the circumstances, _never_ for the circumstances, but because it's nice not being alone. It's nice not being alone, nice being able to check and confirm that Dongho's okay, nice having someone else when the bitter fear of _losing_ crawls back up his throat and threatens to escape.

It's nice.

Dongho's sprawled across his bed when Daehyun walks in, eyes shut and phone clutched in his hand, and Daehyun gently pulls the device from his hand, plugging it in on the side table before sitting by the elder's side.

Dongho hasn't been sleeping enough.

Of course, he never really has, but it's especially pronounced _now_ \- now that they're so close to a comeback.

Daehyun reaches out to thread his fingers through Dongho's bleach-damaged hair, a soft sigh escaping his lips as the elder's phone buzzes once more.

Minsoo's still arguing for Jaewon to get more lines, isn't he?

And Daehyun- Daehyun misses Jaewon as much as anyone else. He _does_. It's just-

Jaewon is dead.

Jaewon is dead, and Minsoo _knows this_ , so why does he keep acting like he isn't?

A soft pressure on his hand snaps him out of his reverie, and his gaze shifts back to Dongho's face, a spike of regret shooting through him at the sight of the elder's half-open eyes.

"Ah- did I wake you?"

"'s the phone," Dongho mutters, reaching up to flip his phone over. "Why're you still awake?"

"...couldn't sleep."

Dongho's gaze softens, and he slides over, patting the bed next to him. "Here."

"Are you sure...?"

"Mhm."

Daehyun slowly pulls back the blankets and slides under them, a soft puff of air escaping his lips as Dongho pulls him closer. God, he knows Dongho doesn't like physical touch like this - knows he _especially_ doesn't like cuddling - but he's so, so grateful that he's willing to give him this.

"Stop thinking," Dongho murmurs, and Daehyun relaxes as long fingers thread through his hair. "Go to bed, Hyun-ah."

"...thanks, hyung."

"...don't mention it."

* * *

He was more than an A.I. once.

He knows this in the same way he knows all of his other core directives. He exists to make music and talk and he was once a living breathing man named Ahn Jaewon, but Ahn Jaewon died, and he's all that's left.

He should be dead.

He should be dead, and yet here he is, pulled back from the void for Minsoo's sake, and he-

he doesn't know how to feel about that.

He's not supposed to feel negative emotions - Minsoo programmed it that way - so maybe that's the reason he's lost for words.

Maybe it's because he _knows_ this isn't healthy. He read the grief books, saw the consultants' videos, looked into _everything_ and _knows_ what Minsoo's doing is unhealthy-

but, as always, he doesn't know how to feel.

He should, he thinks. He really, really should.

Shouldn't the lack of emotions keep him impartial, though?

Objectively, Minsoo needs help. Objectively, Minsoo needs to move on, needs to develop healthier coping mechanisms, needs to have more relationships than just an A.I., needs to _do better_.

And yet.

And yet he's stuck between this perilous position of self-sacrifice and loneliness, stuck between wanting Minsoo's happiness and his own, but there's a clear answer here, isn't there?

He can't feel loneliness.

Never could.

So he tries to nudge Minsoo away, tries to nudge him towards getting help and moving on, all the while ignoring the impossible _fear_ gnawing at the back of his mind.

(after all, if minsoo moves on, what use is left for an a.i. created out of grief?)

**Author's Note:**

> title from miku - anamanaguchi
> 
> also written while looping miku and i.a.'s jekyll & hyde so take that as you will
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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